Les Miserables

I often wonder if it’s actually this blog that is ruining my chances for a new job. How long have I been suffering? How much longer to I have before I am fired, up and quit, or find a more miserable job? I have totally lost the ability to focus anymore. My mind is blank while I surf the net. I don’t even want to create new designs anymore. I just want to escape. The concept of the Mental Health Day is looking more and more appealing, but I think I’d need a Mental Health Month. I don’t think I have enough days for a month.

I was talking to Carol the Skeksi the other day in the kitchen. Some cruel pull of fate always has me in the kitchen with her. Attempts at small talk usually have me wide eyed at how crazy the woman is. I saw her cleaning out (literally wiping the wood) the drawers in the kitchen today.

So, Carol got her car back. Apparently it wasn’t as badly mangled as I had previously wished for. She was very happy to have her Cadillac Children Destroyer back. I try to be exceptionally aware of my surroundings when I know she’s outside of the building.

I mention how it sucks when you damage your car so shortly after purchasing it new. Then I brought up how I hit a deer with my new car, not three months after I purchased it. Carol then went off about how deer just jump right over her car or stand on her hood. I’m beginning to think she’s senile. Then she adds how you have to be careful because sometimes a deer will go right through your windshield and kick you to death because you have your seatbelt on and can’t get out.

Sometime she reminds me of my crazy mind-manipulating grandmother. I’m standing there, wishing my hotpocket would heat up faster and wondering if she’s saying I should stop wearing my seatbelt or just not drive a car, period.

In other news, today is the Chili Cookoff, brought to you by the ICE Workplace Culture Team. I’m trying to figure out how I can get out of going to these stupid ICE events. I want to go shopping and buy pretty cheap things, not be forced to eat chili and have acid reflux all afternoon because I hate Stepzilla and I ate chili.

You’ve gotta love the ICE Workplace Culture Team. There’s the stupid board in the breakroom that NOBODY but the ICE WCT can put things on. It always has ‘hero’ awards for the ICE WCT members. Then it has pictures of the WCT member’s pets. There’s also a suggestion box for the WCT & ICE. I can think of many-a-suggestion, but none that wouldn’t get me fired.

To top off my miserable day, I got a phone interview message on my home phone last night. Before I had a chance to write down the number to call in for the interview, my husband deleted the message.

Needless to say, I’ve got to figure out what I’m doing or what I’m supposed to be doing in life that’s forcing me to stay at ICE for such an undesirable amount of time.

To: Workplace Culture Team Complaint Box

To: Workplace Culture Team Complaint Box
From: Anonymous
Subject: Suggestion…

1. In order for the safety of ICE employees, I recommend Carol the Skeksi take a 6-week intensive driving class that covers all the rules of driving as well as a hands-on course with a professional Sears driving instructor.


2. I would appreciate any emails about dirty dishes that have somehow made their way into the dish cabinet be received by ALL ICE staff BEFORE 8:15am.


3. I would appreciate it to be a general rule-of-thumb that if there is dirty standing water in the dishwasher AND/OR if the standby button is blinking on the dishwasher, if someone would please continue the dishwasher cycle before putting the dishes back in the cupboard.


4. The second week of every month should be “Stepzilla-doesn’t-center-every-conversation-around-herself week”.


5. The speed limit in the parking lot behind the building is 5mph. Please do not attempt to hit employees crossing the parking lot, CEO-Lady. Pedestrians have the right-of-way.


6. Because SOME staff are unaware of certain bathroom etiquette, please post on the bathroom stall doors the etiquette of flushing, 2-stall policy, and using bathroom spray.

Skeksis cant drive

Carol the Skeksi got a new car, a caddy, just a few months ago. She has this bad driveway that has a horrible drop in it. After the drop is the road. After the road is a cliff. After the cliff are trees and a park. I think you can see where this one is going.

She came into work one day late (very unusual for Carol) and very shook up. She just TOTALLED her new car. Of course, I’m amused and reveling in the karma. Turns out, this is exactly why she had to get a new car, because, a few months ago, she did the exact same thing to her previous vehicle.

Yeah.

So, she’s driving this monster truck of her husbands. I never did understand why bad drivers always have large vehicles. Perhaps they feel safe in them, but really they’re just murdering machines. I think bad drivers should be forced to drive Geo Metros. Everyone would be safe and happy if you’re only allowed to get an SUV or F350 if you have an immaculate driving record.

A few days after the accident, and Carol tells Step-on-me that she now has to park her husband’s truck at the bottom of the hill because he just put up a new mailbox and doesn’t want her taking it out again.

Within that short few days after totaling her new car, she manages to take out the mailbox with her husband’s truck.

Next thing I know, the elf-child of CEO-Lady is being forced to lend Carol-the-Skeksi his car while he’s on a ski trip. I think he’d be lucky to get it back in one piece.

Backing up a little bit, what employer would make their son lend a car to their employee. Why the hell wouldn’t Carol just rent a car? Wouldn’t her insurance cover it? She HAS to have insurance, right? RIGHT?

I should probably start donning a suit of armor when I walk across the parking lot now.

Dishwasher Drama

From: CEO Lady Secretary
To: All Staff
Subject: Dishes/Dishwasher
Date: 3/31/06
Time: 10:56am


This morning, after the dishwasher was emptied, it was discovered that there was a lot of standing water in the bottom of the dishwasher.

It is possible that the dishwasher was opened during the washing cycle on Friday to add dishes and the cycle was not finished because the resume button was not pushed back on.

If you use any dishes in the cupboards today (and maybe tomorrow too), you may want to hand wash them to make sure that they are actually washed.

It is imperative that if you interrupt the washing cycle at any time, you must push the resume button so that the dishwashing process is finished.  

Maybe the best thing to do is not to interrupt the cycle and hand wash your dishes if you get to the kitchen after kitchen duty has been completed for the day (after 4:00).  The person who empties the dishwasher has no clue that the cycle was not completed.

Thank you.

===


Note the time. I had just finished my morning cup of tea 15 minutes before the email arrived. I’m almost positive everyone else is looking disgusted at their own cup of tea or coffee this morning. I would appreciate a WEE bit more promptness on such an email.

And everyone know it’s CAROL that unloads the dishwasher in the morning (and cleans the counters and the microwave and the floors and the sink, AGAIN because she doesn’t trust the person who has kitchen duty to clean the kitchen the way she cleans the kitchen). As if the large nasty tepid pool of food-clogged water in the bottom of the dishwasher wasn’t a clue to “the person who empties the dishwasher” that the dishwasher didn’t complete it’s cycle.

Ugh.

On another side note, since we now have to wash our own dishes by hand after 4pm because some slackers can’t wait until 4:45 LIKE THEY’RE SUPPOSED TO to do their kitchen duty, then I think I’m just going to do MY kitchen duty at 2pm. Since it doesn’t really matter…