Typical IM session in Marketing

Ever since Step-on-me began calling us ‘Chatty-Cathies’ for talking about pleasant & happy things at work, we’ve taken up Instant Messaging instead of talking out loud in the marketing office. Below is an edited copy&paste of our ‘typical’ chatting session. Our pre-Chatty-Cathy sessions would include discussions on law, politics, and what happened during the weekend—however, our post-Chatty-Cathy IM session mainly include rants about Step-on-me.

A prime example of why you should let you employees talk at work. At least you know what they’re talking about.


Piper says:
Did you tell Colormist about the Witches thing

Clark says:
oh no, I forgot about that

Clark says:
Colormist, they started totally going off about everyone and gossiping after you left

Clark says:
and apparently they all think that Einstein is in love with Toronto

Clark says:
and that Gonzo has a thing for Tinkerbell

Colormist-at work says:
LMAO

Clark says:
yeah, they think they are supreme beings

Colormist-at work says:
They're so full of themselves!

Clark says:
and they were bitching about poor Steph3

Clark says:
saying she was so annoying and stupid

Piper says:
Not something to be proud of

Clark says:
and didn't know what was going on, etc.

Colormist-at work says:
Steph3?

Piper says:
VERY insecure

Clark says:
yeah

Clark says:
and Piper tried to be nice

Clark says:
she's like, well, I thought she seemed really sweet

Colormist-at work says:
Of course she doesn't know! This was her first event for crying out loud!!

Clark says:
and they're like, yeah well, she's stupid

Clark says:
and then gosssip gossip gossip

Colormist-at work says:
What the hell???

Clark says:
and thene Step-on-me starts going off about Clone

Clark says:
but I guess she deserved it

Clark says:
but still! enough with the personal attacks already

Clark says:
im so sick of it

Colormist-at work says:
Really. It's not helping our morale and didn't we TELL Step-on-me to cut it out already.

Clark says:
cause she is a nice person

Clark says:
yeah

Clark says:
well Tinkerbell and Toronto were really working on it too

Clark says:
they were totally getting off about it

Clark says:
like they were all so far superior

Colormist-at work says:
Ugh

Clark says:
yeah i found it rather obnoxious

Piper says:
It was scary to watch

Clark says:
and Step-on-me was totally getting off on being called the "Hero of SSFI"

Clark says:
I HATE THIS PLACE!!!!! :(

Piper says:
They had just a schoolgirl mentality

Colormist-at work says:
LMAO!! I thought that was a crock of shit, if I've ever heard one!

Clark says:
I know

Piper says:
Yes she was all about how she was too fabulous at event planning and just incredible at marketing

Clark says:
and Toronto's like, well Einstein, surprise! that's what she used to do

Clark says:
she knows this stuff backwards and forwards

Clark says:
vomit

Piper says:
How could it be? And just one person!

Colormist-at work says:
vomit vomit vomit

Clark says:
She's superwoman

Clark says:
or wonderwoman

Colormist-at work says:
WonderStep

Colormist-at work says:
Able to take on marketing duties in a single bound, faster at event planning than a speeding plane--she's WonderStep!!

Clark says:
Supremely Superior Scrumptiously Sensational Step-on-Me

Piper says:
lol

Clark says:
sounds like a great show

Piper says:
Don't hate me because I can do EVERYTHING!

Piper says:
Echo echo

Colormist-at work says:
All the while patting herself on the back and mashing everyone else down with the heel of her shoe.

Clark says:
ah! great! I can see the picture in my head

Colormist-at work says:
She just needs a cape--no mask though, she needs everyone to know who she is.

Piper says:
She carries a pedestal with her everywhere she goes...


(edited for clarity & obscurity)

The Return of the Dishwasher Monitor

Note to the Dishwasher Monitor:

"Please do not leave garbage on the counter." - Marketing

So, you KNOW that you were wondering 'Hey, I wonder when the Mushrump is going to put up some more crazy pictures about their kitchen?' Well, your wait is over.

Gotta love our Dishwasher Monitor, Carol the Skeksi. I actually took a good picture that doesn't stretch the page. :)

So I come into work this morning, glum and grumpy as usual. I walk into the kitchen, nearly spew at the sight of partially chewed on leftover particles of food on the counter. What is WRONG with this woman?!?! Of course my day is instantly turned around by this disgusting sight. Yes, Carol is still insane. Instead of writing a pleasant, "Please rinse off or scrape your dishes before putting them in the dishwasher" note, she writes this disgusting insulting message that just makes me want to ralph all over the kitchen.

In fact, if it's not already gone by the time I finish this blog, I'm going to have to throw it away. It's just making me nauseated thinking about it. The problem is, there's probably just ONE (or maybe 2) person that's leaving food on their plate because they saw some commercial where the chick puts an entire cake into her dishwasher. I presume it's probably one of our younger messenger/gopher students that's doing it. However, Carol leaves this horrible note making everyone sick and rubbing everyone's nose into someone else's oversight.

Honestly, I'd hate to see how she treated her kids.

And why the HELL is she so preoccupied with the dishwasher again? She didn't pay for it, it's not her job, and there are more important things to worry about (like her job and changing my title) than whether or not there are food particles in the kitchen. Ugh.

Staff Appreciation Lunch

Staff Appreciation Lunch Email

Sounds like it might actually have some appreciation in it, right? Truth be told, it’s going to be similar to our Staff Retreat—where we’re tortured to pay attention and sapped of all our energies. Why does ICE take such pride in making their employees miserable? WHY??

Here’s a copy of the edited email I received yesterday:

From: Exec. Assistant
To: Staff_Permanent
Subject: Executive Committee
Meeting

On Tuesday, October 11, ICE is hosting the executive committee meeting. We have started preparing the building by having our custodian do some extra cleaning, windows washed, fall flowers ordered, etc. Starting on Friday, we will be re-arranging tables and chairs in the seminar room, conference room and break room. You can still use the break room through Monday, 5:00 pm. On Tuesday, the break room will be set up for two buffet lines for lunch.

Please remember that Tuesday is also the staff appreciation lunch taking place after the executive committee meets (which is scheduled to end at 11:30). You will be receiving a name badge in your mail box. Please wear it on Tuesday so that the committee members can see who you are. We are asking each committee member to sit at an assigned seat so ICE staff can get acquainted with at least one member.

Please also tidy up your work space before Tuesday and dress a little more "business" than casual.
Thanks.

Wow! Not only am I being TOLD how to dress, but I have to eat lunch with a stranger, wear a name badge, clean up my office, and I can’t use the breakroom. How is it staff appreciation when they make us miserable by parading us around the executive committee?? Why do I feel like I'm a mutt in a dog show?

I hate this place.