Pretty is a 4-letter word

I don't know if I've mentioned this before (it seems I would have by now) but the word 'pretty' at ICE is actually laced with razors of insult and they slam it down the marketing department's throat like they're feeding us compliments.

"Well, it looks pretttyyy, but we don't want to think."

First off, as designers and marketers, we're looking to get the message across quick. A 3-5 second glance should let the customer know what it is they're looking at, and the message should come across within a half-glance. We WANT people to understand what they're looking at, but we're thrown so much crap that it's hard to sort it out.

We do what we can with what we're given. You put more shit on the page, and YES the font's going to HAVE to be size 7pt. Sorry charlie. Learn how to simplify, then we can talk size 10-12pt font. I can't help it if you refuse to put on your glasses when you read the brochure. Your doctor would be telling you to wear them, too.

Just because the layout of the brochure/site/ad isn't exactly what they had in THEIR head doesn't mean that we don't know what we're doing. It means that they can't function when things don't go their way.

And god-dammit, if I am asked to put another be-damned burst on the cover of my already overcrowded brochure, heads are going to roll, folks.

Heads are going to roll.

In the meantime I'm going to pretend like that suggestion never existed and hope that the suggestor forgot they even suggested it. ^_^

Just a few quesitons...

How, in your right mind, could you agree with the executive director that your department can perform all of it's tasks with only TWO people when you currently cannot perform all of the tasks with SIX people?

How is it, that it is not your responsibility as a department manager to make sure all the people that you are managing can handle their responsibilities?

How can you have $20k budgeted INCOMING revenue for a class occuring in six-months and nobody has even taken the first step in planning that class? No date, no location, no teachers, no nothing--just the name and that you're going to make $20k from it.

How can you ignore responses from your customers, clients, and staff (who are all saying the exact same thing) and still insist that you're right and they're wrong?

But then again, nobody is ever fired around here, so they really shouldn't be concerned that the whole damn company is going down the crapper.


How is it that I'm still working here? Oh yeah, my husband's laid off...

Oh how I dream of a world with a stable economy. *sigh*

Morning Meetings

Every damn Tuesday, marketing is forced to sit through this stupid as hell meeting about a software program that we don't even use--or rather, that we're not even ALLOWED to use. The don't want us touching it so that we won't screw it up. I kinda just want to touch it now so that I can screw it up, just so they don't suddenly decide that we need to know how to use it. :D

So, anyway, I have to wait patiently for one of the lawyers to finish his pointless blah-blah-blah-ing about some stupid program and the forecast for the next 3 years. LIKE ANYONE CARES!! Really, it's not important that I know it, and I KNOW that nobody in sales or customer service is actually going to let the customers know this crap, because they're just going to change their minds five-minutes from now.

Meh.

I'm sitting there, inbetween my colleagues who are doing their best to mutter their feelings about Parley's inability to conclude his pointless bantering.

Parley gets to a point 20-minutes into his speech (the meeting is only supposed to be 30-minutes long, if that) where he says, "does anyone have any questions?"

I'm puffing out my cheeks like a blowfish and diverting my eyes elsewhere, trying not to laugh as I hear my coworkers say, "NO! God no! Please no." He's only sitting five feet away from us, so I know he heard them.

However, he continues, "Well, I got a question the other day... blah-blah-blah..."

It's about at this time that I begin doodling on my notepad. I was supposed to review my monster pile of brochures with everyone in the room, however, with given events I don't think it's going to happen anytime within the next half hour.

<--- My representation of Parley's contribution to the morning's meeting.

Step-on-me notices that I'm drawing some animation cells (or at least a fairly long line of circles and dots) and says, "If you want, I can review your brochures with everyone and you can go back to your desk."

Of course I'm instantly happy to be saved from death by boredom. I just about give her a hug as I skip out of the room.

Saving my ass

"The events depicted in this blog are based on actual events. However, the names and locations have been changed to protect their identity. I do not wish any ill-will on my company or coworkers by posting such events, but rather to have them documented for future reference." ref.

Recent media and judiciary events has lead me to believe that I was justified in my paranoia that my employer might actually discover my blog. As much as I disapprove of my employer, I do not want to be fired for expressing my opinion (though I'm pretty sure half of them don't even know what a blog is). It's hard enough finding a job these days, I don't want to lose a poor one before I find a better one to take its place. :)

"As the practice of blogging has spread, employees ...are coming to the realization that corporations, which spend millions of dollars protecting their brands, are under no particular obligation to tolerate threats, real or perceived, from the activities of people who become identified with those brands, even if it is on their personal Web sites." ref.

I'm not exactly employed by one of those mega-corp places, but you can never be too safe or too paranoid. ^_~

Law education company being sued?

A little birdie told me about a neat company skeleton that was hiding in our supply closet.

But before I begin, obviously if you read this blog regularly, you understand how irrational things happen quite frequently. Upper-management is IMPOSSIBLE to work with--from a designer or a joe-schmo point-of-view.

A few website redesigns ago, ICE hired a company to give their website a fresh new makeover. Most businesses do this on a annual basis. No big deal.

They signed a contract with a webdesigner and the web company got to work. Well, some people don't have the patience (or actually have a spine) that I do and they actually gave up after so many months of repeated conflicting messages from ICE. They handed over the files that they were working with and said they couldn't work with ICE.

Of course they wanted paid for their labors. You don't sign a contract with someone, work with them for so many months, then expect them to just eat all the expenses. They gave ICE all the work they had completed so far, but wasn't willing to stress out over their inability to make any cohesive decision that they wouldn't change their mind about a day later.

ICE refused to pay. They (being from the pre-web stoneage) didn't see anything tangible from the company's work, so the didn't pay. Besides, they're a big company and know big lawyers and educate big lawyers, why should they know anything about contract law?

And of course, the contractors sued because ICE violated the contract. It's kind of like having a marketing company hiring an advertising company to do their ad campaign. It's just embarassing when the news gets out. ICE was the laughing stock of their customers for many moons. I'm just sad I wasn't there to witness it first-hand.

Would you be concerned...

If your administrative director spent the entire day being more concerned about the items in the dishwasher than how her company was running?




The first note (center blue) reads:
All staff:
Please rinse off dishes--especially the silverware, before putting in the dishwasher.
Thanks

Second note (white & right of blue) reads:
ALSO—
It might help to load silverware handles-down so the soap & water can get to the used (dirty) part.


The last note (under spoons) was written after she rummaged through the dishwasher to see if people were paying attention to her first two notes:
Please do not put silverware or dishes in the dishwasher like this!

The word 'do' was underlined twice and the word 'not' was underlined 3 times, as you can see from the note.

Please forgive me Carol, for I have sinned. I put a bowl and a fork encrusted with pizza yumminess into the dishwasher yesterday. Had I known how crappy the new dishwasher was that you purchased, I wouldn't have dared crossing you in such a manner.

Now can we get back to the launch of the online book promotion, please?

An Update on Clark's Promotion

Clark has the job!

....well, kinda

He had an interview with Step-on-me on Friday to update him on his promotion. Turns out, the 3% raise he received for not leaving to find a new job and promising to work on his attitude WAS his promotion. I love these people that change the past in order to suit their needs.

However, he doesn't get his new title until HQ finishes redefining all the positions at ICE. The tenative date for redefinition of all ICE jobs is Fall 2005. That'd make it about 1.5 years that Clark has been doing this job that he doesn't like doing without a change in title or a substantial promotion.

But! There's a silver lining (maybe)!! When the jobs are redefined, it's likely that the salary catagories will adjust, and Clark will get a raise then, right? WRONG!! Because ICE is in the whole this year, won't hire new employees even though they're losing them left & right, and they give out yearly promotions (about 1-5% raises) in the summer. That means that they'll either pick the lowest catagory possible or give everyone a pissant 1% raise for the yearly promotion and a 3% raise for the redefinition! Hey! They recatagorized everyone and gave raises. All that matters is that it LOOKS LIKE they made an effort on paper, right?

Currently Clark's beyond caring and is looking for alternate employment.

----

in other news, I'm very interested as to how this whole redefining will work out. I'm currently an assistant editor (there is NO real editor that I assist) but I do graphic design work. However, as I've noted earlier, my CEOs don't want us thinking that we're artists or designers because they can't work with them. WTF?? Just because they slap a label on what they want us to be, doesn't mean that the rest of the world won't think otherwise.

Step-on-me is very excited about the chaos that our new 'designer' or 'artist' titles will cause.