The end of the whole mess

Well, folks, I guess this marks the end of the whole mess. I started this blog back in 2004. It was initially started as a way to keep in contact with my friends. I would rant about driving or family or dreams, but it quickly became quite clear what its purpose was. I wouldn’t have named it “The Mushrump” if I had known what it was going to end up being about, but then “The Mushrump” became sort of a code word for my colleagues. A place for humor to vent that which was bringing us so much frustration and anguish.

A few times I was certain I was going to be sued, fired, or ostracized. Afterall, I was working in a building FILLED with lawyers. Thankfully, their idea of tech-savvy was using a PDA and didn’t even understand what blogs were when I left.

Now that Mavvy has a new job, we, the characters of this blog, are all kind of sad. It was painful, it was trying, but we made some great friendships and it was fun establishing a solid headquarters for the ANTI-ICE movement.

I don’t know what to do with this place now. It was my home for four years and now there’s no one left to pass the torch onto. I guess that’s a good thing. It means that the people in the department now--Hasslehoff (oh, how I tried to change your name to ComicSans) and Sparklehorse—are both happy with their positions and have no need for a common venting ground.

There are no more pictures from the Dishwasher Monitor, no more tales of terror of Carol the Skeksi, no more mind-boggling, soul-crushing acts of destruction from Stepzilla. Just us five, the survivors, who managed to escape and move onto happier places.

I will never forget the laughter that sounded after a particularly trying event as my coworkers read the blog. They knew they weren’t alone and it was okay.

We could laugh and they couldn’t take that away.

Two week paid vacation from ICE

So...as you may have already guessed from my previous post, I resigned from my position at ICE today. I received a job offer on Friday from a company less than two miles from my house in Jackson. I'll be making $5000 more per year than I do at ICE, and I'll never have to see Stepzilla's ugly mug again. I start my new job in two weeks, so I was considering giving only one week's notice and then using up my remaining vacation time to relax a bit before starting my new gig. I decided, however, to be professional and give two weeks, considering the marketing department is already short-handed one person. Little did I know ICE would give me the best parting gift I could ever hope for...

Stepzilla says she needs to talk to me and calls me into her office. She tells me, "Well, Carol and I talked it over and we decided we have everthing under control, so we really don't need you for these last two weeks. You'll still get paid and have your benefits until July 27 (the day I told her would be my last)." I couldn't believe my ears! So I ask her, "So does that mean I can leave now??" And it did.

I suspect that they want to be able to tell everyone they fired me, rather than the truth. Or maybe they just didn't want me around for the next two weeks telling everyone how much I hate Stepzilla and ICE when asked why I'm leaving. Or, perhaps they think I'll just sit around and do nothing anyway, so why not have me out of the building? Whatever the reasoning, I couldn't be more thrilled! Thanks for the memories ICE!

Dear Stepzilla

Dear Stepzilla:

Today I woke up and realized that this is the worst career experience I've ever had. Therefore, I am officially notifying you of my resignation from ICE. My last day will be today. This company is truly disfunctional. Many annoying coworkers, torturous Monday morning meetings, talking heads with inflated egos for directors, and inane timesheet processes have all contributed to my discontent.

On top of that, I can't stand to work for you any longer. You, alone, have been a constant source of personal pain and suffering for me ever since I started this job. I can't understand how you made it this far in the professional community.

Today is a great day for me. I will never have to see, hear, or listen to you again. Goodbye and good riddance!

Best regards,

Mavvy

P.S. Fuck you!!!

Stepzilla's Performance Review

So, I got to do a performance review for Stepzilla this year. For awhile, I debated on whether I should do it or not. After all, others have given her poor reviews in the past and it doesn't seem to make a bit of difference. I decided I should just go for it. As Sharpie pointed out, we all know what she's saying about us to everyone in the building so why not return the favor? Anyway, here it is. Let's hope it doesn't get me fired.

Performance Review – Stepzilla

Changes that would help me operate more efficiently:

One thing that would help me greatly would be for Stepzilla to have a more positive attitude toward ICE and the rest of the people that work here. I have heard her make disparaging remarks about nearly everyone in the building; people that I have gotten to know and like very much. I would also appreciate if she would think before making statements that might offend members of her department. I was very put off by statements she made regarding her disdain for Christianity.

Another area that would really help me to have more respect for Stepzilla as a leader would be for her to hold herself to the same standards she holds her staff. Several months ago, she moved our daily meeting up to 8:15 am, rather than 8:30 am. If any of the department members were even five minutes late, they would receive a very strongly worded email about how we NEED to be on time for the meetings. However, if Stepzilla is ever late, the meeting can be put off until 8:30 or 8:45, or whenever she comes over to our office.

Stepzilla should also work on creating an atmosphere that is not threatening or dictatorial. I feel like no matter how hard I work, she will always find something miniscule for which to berate me. I work in constant fear of what she will bring up next. The most difficult part of this is that Stepzilla makes mistakes too, all the time. She, however, never admits to them. She is never wrong. It is incredibly difficult to work in this type of an atmosphere.

Changes that would help ICE

I really feel like Stepzilla should work on the aforementioned changes to help the Institute. It might benefit her to attend training on how to manage people more empathetically or just general training on people skills. I don’t think she really understands how she comes off to her staff. She definitely needs someone to bring it to her attention.

I know for a fact that recent turnover in the marketing department was due solely to the inability to work with Stepzilla. I think that if she does not work to become a better leader, ICE will continue to lose talented marketing staff.

There was another category that I was supposed to include, "Things I appreciate". Obviously I had to omit that one, since the only thing I appreciate about Stepzilla is when she's sick or on vacation.

I think Debbie may be blind

So...I'm starting to think that Debbie, CEO lady's secretary, may be legally blind. It all started one day when she asked if the chick on the Winter Book Sale postcard was me. I told her it wasn't and she responded that she really thought it was me, she couldn't believe it wasn't. The girl on the postcard looks nothing like me. The only similarity is that we both have straight, medium length, brown hair.

Exhibit two: I overheard Debbie and Stepzilla in the hallway today discussing what they were going to order for today's meeting of the "lunch-bunch". I must add that Stepzilla has taken to hanging out with Debbie and the older ladies in the business office. Having alienated everyone in marketing and sales, she had to look elsewhere for people who would listen to her bitch about her idiot husband and talk endlessly about herself. Stepzilla commented that she was going to "use up like 100 points!" for today's luncheon. (I presume she's on Weight Watcher's?) Anyway Debbie commented on how ridiculous it was that Stepzilla should be concerned about what she was eating when she was already tall and skinny. She then went on to tell Stepzilla how they all just hated her because she dresses so cute and can wear whatever she wants.

OMG! I wanted to jump out of my desk and just grab Debbie and shake her. Doesn't she know that feeding this evil creature's ego will only make it continue to grow out of control? And dressing cute? Stepzilla? Maybe if Debbie's definition of cute is knee high transvestite boots, pants that are ALWAYS too short, and excessive amounts of jewelry. To me it looks like she closes her eyes, reaches in her closet, and puts on whatever she pulls out. I also wouldn't call Stepzilla skinny. Grossly disproportionate yes, skinny no.

Anyway, if I was Debbie I would be consulting my physician about possible loss of vision. Maybe even senility. ICE can do that to you...

Disgruntled

I'm feeling quite today. Disgruntled that is. Stepzilla is trying to force me out. I believe Colormist coined it, "the ICE squeeze." I hate this place and I'd gladly leave if I had another job to pay the bills. I am sick of Stepzilla's lies. She told me that the reason I was given a new title was because everyone at the University is required to have two titles. Hasselhoff doesn't have two titles. The temp doesn't have two titles. Oh and by the way, the temp (formerly known as Sparklehorse) is no longer a temp. She is an official ICE employee and my new boss! Ok Hasselhoff, so I knew she was going to be my boss. Fine. Whatever. I really don't see the need for me to have another boss. I am quite self-sufficient and before the temp arrived I was running the show by myself. Sending all the mailings, creating and sending all the emails, running all the mailing lists, tackling numerous projects in InDesign (a software program in which I have NO previous experience), and countless other thankless jobs that Stepzilla can't be bothered to do herself. All without so much as a good job or a thanks for picking up the slack. Nope, what I got in return for my efforts was another boss. And to further humiliate me, the temp (whose degree is in fine arts) will also have the authority to proof and make changes to my text! That would be like giving me the power to critique someone's design work. I've just had it. I am done. I should be trying to defend myself or at the very least question the reasoning behind these insane changes. But who can even begin to make sense of ICE? Stepzilla is the worst manager on the face of the earth. She is dishonest, disrepectful, self-absorbed, and totally out of control. But somehow she still has a job. I had a dream last night that I told her off and she fired me. I can't tell you how close I have come today to making that dream a reality. God I need to get out of here. SAVE ME!!!

I am a copycat... just an update from the land more southern.

Just thought I would shed a little insight into the new jobby job down south. It's amazing really. Did you know that there are places you can work where people don't talk down to you? There are jobs where people laugh and enjoy what they do? There are! It's amazing. I work at one of those places now too! My new work people are friendly and laugh about the times where they screwed up and even more amazing is there are no bad feelings about it. Nobody got fired or reamed or made to feel like a total idiot for leading being a half-point off. So what if I am making toothpaste tubes and hemorroid cream containers? They are beautiful and endlessly more creative than the mindless drivel we were spewing out at ICE. They trust me here to do my job. There is no never-ending chain of approvals. I get a file. Work on it. Make the film and send it out to the line. Done. No hierarchy to give me their okay even tho they have never created ANYTHING in their lives except a catchy "So sorry you're leaving" quote on another going away (aka escaping) card. I do my job. That's it. They let me. Awesome. It's pretty amazing how much you can get done in an hour when you don't have 15 people "helpiing". My supervisor? I have seen him maybe 5 times in the four weeks I have been here. Most of those he was just checking with other folks about questions (legitimate questions) about things that were already running. Next month we are all "volunteering" at Bonnaroo as a department. We are givers here. ROFL... I wanted to go to Bonnaroo but it is hopelessly expensive and I didn't want to spend that much on a music festival. Now I am going (with fun people) and don't have to pay a dime. I have to pour beer and listen to the bands. It's my job. :) Life is good. Hang in there Mavvy. Yours is coming!!

Scarred

Author: Colormist

I thought I’d post a little update now that I’ve escaped the clutches of ICE.

ICLE has scarred me. I’m like that abused dog you see in the street. I flinch when I hear certain words, when people ask me to do things, and I have nightmares about that place.

I’ve had pretty consistent nightmares about ICE since my escape. The dreams usually consist of me stopping back on my lunch break to visit Mavvy and Sharpie (even though I know Sharpie’s no longer there) and being held against my will by Stepzilla. I keep saying out loud that I had to get back to my job. Stepzilla gives me piles of work to finish and I’m told that I’m not allowed to leave until they’re finished. I looked pleadingly at Hasselhoff, but he just says, “Just do what she tells you.” Needless to say, these dreams usually end with me losing my job, Stepzilla hiring me back, firing me, then (of course) I lose my home.

I’m also having a bit of a knee-jerk reaction to doing work at my new job. I mean, I do the work and I like the work, but every time someone asks me to do something, I think they’re punishing me.

Then there are these certain words that make me want to yell in protest. Normal words like, “creativity”, “designer”, “pretty”, and “marketing”.

I overhead someone say, “we can get Marketing to do…” and I just about screamed in protest. It was in a meeting that I wasn’t even a part of, and I just about started arguing about a department doing work—a department that I’m not even a part of.

Then I wince when I hear the word pretty. I’m expecting it as an insult, but they mean it as a compliment. I presume they’re very confused when I give a wounded look and/or look of hatred.

People also use the word “creativity” and “design” in positive context. They aren’t spitting venom and glaring at me like I’m an idiot. They actually talk in a general basis and refer that EVERYONE in the building has creativity.

It’s been two months and still I’m reacting like I work for Stepzilla and the Skeksi. It amazing. Even though I knew what was happening and what they were doing, I still can’t shake the abuse.

In other news, my mom read HOPE (this blog in book format) and said she laughed out loud quite a few times. My misery brings others amusement. I guess that’s somewhat comforting.

Happy Birthday Hasselhoff

Today is Hasselhoff's birthday. A crappy, rainy birthday spent at ICE. How depressing. Of course Stepzilla tries to throw together a last minute "celebration" to make it look like she actually cares about anyone but herself. She comes in late and yells from her doorway for Sparklehorse (formerly know as Temp) and I to come in to her office. Oh shit, what did I do this time? Did she find a job description on the printer? Has IS intercepted one of our exceedingly negative Messenger conversations? No, she wants us to sign a card for Hasselhoff. Whew!

The card has a little yellow puppy on the front, about to jump into a pond to go after a fishing bobber. Kinda cute, but obviously not a birthday card. Looks like something she fished out of the bottom of a desk drawer in a panic that it might look like she forgot YET ANOTHER of her employees' birthdays. She brings the card, along with a plate of about five bagels (no cream cheese of course) into the office and presents them to Hasselhoff. I'm guessing she found the bagels somewhere in the building, perhaps leftover from a recent Executive Committee meeting.

Step says she would have gone to Fragels?? this morning but she was already running late. Then Toronto chimes in, "Yeah, plus it's only your first year, you haven't earned Fragels yet!" Well at least Hasselhoff's birthday was acknowledged. She completely forgot about Sharpie's, and then about a month and a half later gave her a card, some Halloween socks covered in dog hair, and several pairs of earrings WITHOUT the backer. For those of you who don't know this - earrings without the backer = used earrings. You just don't take new earrings off the backer before you give them to someone. And she never said a word about my birthday, which took place in November. Maybe she thinks I don't have one. Truth be told, I'm glad she didn't give me some stupid gift in order to feel better about herself. "Hey Mavvy, I know I degrade you daily, take credit for all your work, and generally treat you like a piece of shit, but look, I remembered your birthday! See what a great boss I am? See??"

Stepzilla's antics are enough to drive anyone insane, which is why as soon as I am settled in my new house, I will begin job searching again in earnest. The worse part of ICE these days is that I am the only one left who truly cannot stand Stepzilla. I'm hopeful that Sparklehorse and Hasselhoff will one day come to despise her as I do - I guess they just need time. It reminds me a bit of a bumper sticker I saw (referring to George Dubya):

"If you're not outraged, then you haven't been paying attention."