The New Marketing Coordinator

ICE hired a new marketing coordinator, Mavvy, to fill Clark’s massive shoes. At first I wasn’t so sure about the new employee. Mainly, my paranoia set in and I began to view him as a spy of Stepzilla. It took Mavvy five weeks to decide to start fishing for information from Sharpie and I about our true relationship with Stepzilla.

We were out at lunch with the sales team. Of course, Stepzilla dominates ALL conversation like she normally does. I mean, if the conversation doesn’t revolve around Stepzilla, then what’s the point, right?

I’m counting the minutes until we can leave. Finally, we depart from the less-than-wonderful restaurant and head back to work. Sharpie and I begin our vague complaints about the lunch conversation and Mavvy speaks up, “Well, if the conversation wasn’t dominated by SOME people.”

“Oh, don’t even get us started on Stepzilla.” —Sharpie.

“And by SOME people, you mean, Stepzilla.” —Colormist.

“She’s a BITCH. She is the most self-absorbed person I have ever met. She's a terrible boss. It's no wonder everyone quits.” —Mavvy.

Within the five minute ride back to the building, we’re all gushing at one another about how much we can’t stand Stepzilla. It’s a passion, apparently shared by all who are immediately under her graces. You can’t help but be abused by Stepzilla. Her feet are far too large for her to even bother to look at who she steps on.

And with 100% turnover, you have to wonder why Carol the Skeksi isn’t looking into Stepzilla’s managerial skills.

When we arrive back to the office, Stepzilla leaves for the afternoon and I sneak over to Sharpie’s desk and start taking photographs of Sharpie’s Voo-doo doll of Carol the Skeksi.

We hadn’t shared the vital information of the Voo-doo dolls to Mavvy yet and he was very interested in what we were giggling about. She walks over, looks at the doll, and says, “Is that someone here?”

We shut the door and nod our heads.

“Is that Carol?”

Instant laughter.

“Oh, that’s not good. That’s not good at ALL. I didn’t think it looked THAT much like Carol. You should probably keep it in a not-too-noticeable location, Sharpie.”

Mavvy then asks if there are more. I show her my Stepzilla doll, but don’t say who it is.

“Is this, Step-on-me?”

Laughter again.

Mavvy adds, “She’s such a bitch.”

Oh my gawd, this office is priceless. Literally. We might be horribly miserable, but at least we’re all miserable together.