Stupid Coworkers
Stupid Coworker - October 2004 Issue
Piper is one of my office-mates. She works in the marketing department with me and has been designing several brochures over the past couple of months. The brochures she designs promotes a learning seminar developed by Einstein. So, as one of the steps in designing a brochure, she has to go down to Einstein's office and get the brochure's design approved by Einstein--who normally adds several more chunks of text, obnoxious bullets, and gigantic pictures of speakers onto the cover of the brochure.
Spank-tacular
Prior to the design of her most-recent brochure, Colormist had also designed a brochure for Einstein for another learning seminar. She was horribly tired of bullets. So instead of putting a list together and plastering it on the cover of the brochure, she fell back on her years at the newspaper and made a hokey newspaper design. Large numbers with small text explaining the numbers. She knew, going into the design, that Einstein would love it. It was just his sort of lame advertising gimmick.
Of course he was instantly enamored and added five more gigantic numbers into the fray. Colormist was none-too-pleased and instantly was struck with a prophetic vision. She turned and apologized to Piper, for she knew the vision to be true.
Piper ventures down the dizzying hall to Einstein's lair. She hands over the brochure for his approval.
Einstein: "You know, this looks nice. I like the design. But I really like what you did the other time."
Piper: "With?"
Einstein: "You know the brochure you did for ANDR, the numbers."
Piper: "That wasn't me. I didn't design that."
Einstein: (insert condescending look and voice) "Does it matter?"
Piper: "Yeah. It wasn't me."
Now is it just me, or does Einstein seem to think that everyone that designs in the department shares one common brain? That we are really aliens that put our brains together, spit out a design, and then all commonly walk around with equal knowledge of everything ever produced in our department.
This might not seem like a big deal to some, but it seems that my department (out of all the other departments in the building) gets some seriously lame stereotypes:
1. The Cute Department
2. We're too young
3. We don't know how lawyers think because we're not lawyers (even though we work FOR lawyers)
4. We're all the same person (repeatedly people confuse our names, our projects, and where we sit).
5. We're emotionally tied to our designs
6. We don't think logically so we can't use databases
7. We're undereducated (regardless of the amount of schooling) and don't understand how to budget a business
The main kicker is the fact that we're not lawyers (which pretty much applies to all departments that don't have a law degree under their belts) so we know nothing.
-----
More interesting is their projected sales figures and their goals for registrations at the learning seminars. At one seminar (with previous attendance levels around 650 bodies) their new attendance goals are set 200 bodies higher than last year. Yes, this is WITHOUT any new markets, any new spectacular updates, and any new features to draw more people. It's just a random number that they're aiming for and we have to achieve.
Can you hold that hoop a little bit higher please? I don't think it's out of my reach yet. Thanks.
Piper is one of my office-mates. She works in the marketing department with me and has been designing several brochures over the past couple of months. The brochures she designs promotes a learning seminar developed by Einstein. So, as one of the steps in designing a brochure, she has to go down to Einstein's office and get the brochure's design approved by Einstein--who normally adds several more chunks of text, obnoxious bullets, and gigantic pictures of speakers onto the cover of the brochure.
Spank-tacular
Prior to the design of her most-recent brochure, Colormist had also designed a brochure for Einstein for another learning seminar. She was horribly tired of bullets. So instead of putting a list together and plastering it on the cover of the brochure, she fell back on her years at the newspaper and made a hokey newspaper design. Large numbers with small text explaining the numbers. She knew, going into the design, that Einstein would love it. It was just his sort of lame advertising gimmick.
Of course he was instantly enamored and added five more gigantic numbers into the fray. Colormist was none-too-pleased and instantly was struck with a prophetic vision. She turned and apologized to Piper, for she knew the vision to be true.
Piper ventures down the dizzying hall to Einstein's lair. She hands over the brochure for his approval.
Einstein: "You know, this looks nice. I like the design. But I really like what you did the other time."
Piper: "With?"
Einstein: "You know the brochure you did for ANDR, the numbers."
Piper: "That wasn't me. I didn't design that."
Einstein: (insert condescending look and voice) "Does it matter?"
Piper: "Yeah. It wasn't me."
Now is it just me, or does Einstein seem to think that everyone that designs in the department shares one common brain? That we are really aliens that put our brains together, spit out a design, and then all commonly walk around with equal knowledge of everything ever produced in our department.
This might not seem like a big deal to some, but it seems that my department (out of all the other departments in the building) gets some seriously lame stereotypes:
1. The Cute Department
2. We're too young
3. We don't know how lawyers think because we're not lawyers (even though we work FOR lawyers)
4. We're all the same person (repeatedly people confuse our names, our projects, and where we sit).
5. We're emotionally tied to our designs
6. We don't think logically so we can't use databases
7. We're undereducated (regardless of the amount of schooling) and don't understand how to budget a business
The main kicker is the fact that we're not lawyers (which pretty much applies to all departments that don't have a law degree under their belts) so we know nothing.
-----
More interesting is their projected sales figures and their goals for registrations at the learning seminars. At one seminar (with previous attendance levels around 650 bodies) their new attendance goals are set 200 bodies higher than last year. Yes, this is WITHOUT any new markets, any new spectacular updates, and any new features to draw more people. It's just a random number that they're aiming for and we have to achieve.
Can you hold that hoop a little bit higher please? I don't think it's out of my reach yet. Thanks.
posted by Laura Mitter at
10:29 AM
1 Comments:
It's the "corporate ant-hill" thing; they actually start to think,and act,like ants. They don't regard the OTHER DEPT. as if they were human beings,but "ant constructs," as if one dept. were one,large ant,altho it is composed of real,separate,human beings. As for being looked down upon,by lawyers, I suppose Great White sharks are exactly the same as lawyers,anyhow. They think they are the biggest,best fish in the whole ocean,and even whales are not as big,and great,as they are. Lawyers can go suck ______. (fill in obsenity.)If you are expecting lawyers to act human,or treat you as human, you are not being rational,or realistic. I would work in any other kind of company, rather than work for lawyers. F___ attorneys, of all kinds, everywhere. You want to be treated better? don't work for lawyers.
By
Anonymous, At
11:10 AM
Post a Comment
<< Home